Tuesday, February 19, 2013

You ARE The Father

Just like a lot of jocks out there, I went through my whore phase.  Sleeping around with questionable women, it was great.  I got a job at a station and did my thing.  I was there no more than a month when a larger market came calling.  I took the gig and left my previous station behind.

A few months had passed and I received a phone call from my previous employer.  They had told me that someone was trying to get a hold of me.  I thought it was strange and called the number they gave me to see who it was.

A woman answered the phone and she told me her name, and told me that I had impregnated her.  I did not recognize her name or her voice but she had said we met one night in a bar and slept together later that night.  I told her I did not remember it and she said we were both really drunk.

I was shocked.  I didn’t have any kids so I did not know what to do.  I called my family for some advice and they also did not know what to do.  I kept in contact with the woman and when the baby was born, she called to let me know.

I was still very unsure about how I felt about the whole situation.  I took a few days off and flew into town.  I went straight to the womans home to visit my “son”.  As I was about to knock on the door I asked myself “dude, what the hell are you doing?”

After thinking about it for a few minutes I knocked on the door.  The woman answered the door, she quickly smiled and invited me inside.  I did not recognize her, at all.  We chatted for a second and then she took me into a room to see the baby.

The whole situation was really awkward.  After seeing the baby, I did not sense a connection on any level.  She was all over me, suggesting that I hold the child, telling me funny things that he liked to do, etc.
I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to get out of there.  I made an excuse that I had to leave to get to the hotel and would be back the next day.  Before I left, I made sure I was not going to be blamed for being the childs father if I wasn’t.  I told her I wanted a moment alone with the child and once the mother left the room, I swabbed the inside of the babies mouth with a q-tip.  I am not the smartest man on the planet but I knew that I could get the DNA sample tested to prove if I was the real father.

The next day I flew out.  She had called me later on that day and I had given her an excuse that I had to fly back earlier than expected.  I set up for a paternity test.  Wow, I had no idea those things were so expensive but it was worth it.

The results had come back and like I thought, I was not the father.  I called the woman and explained what I had done. She was furious.  She kept saying that I was the father and that there was no way that anyone else could have fathered her child.  I think it is funny when people try to argue with paternity test because they are 99.9% accurate.  I told her to give it up and to find that childs real dad.  She realized that her game was up and finally came clean.  She told me that we did meet in a bar but never slept with one another. 

Whew, that was a close one.  What a psycho. 

0 comments:

Post a Comment


Radio DJ Confessions. Powered by Blogger.